I'm so fucking centered right now
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
