had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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