ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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