for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
