My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
