Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
