Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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