You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
