I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
