I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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