Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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