No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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