maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No subtext here. People are naked.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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