he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
