Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
