bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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