waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
