The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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