it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
