I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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