I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
