you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
