I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
