my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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