i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
two words...techno handjob
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
