i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
