its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
