I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
