I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
