All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
