ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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