I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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