My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
