Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
