Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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