sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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