she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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