Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
