I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
