so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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