my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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