Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
