she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
