Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
