My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His nipple licking is glorious
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