Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
