The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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