So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
