vagina is talking i cant
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
