i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
